My opinion on calories..

While I openly profess to knowing nothing about dieting save for the only necessary fact that they are an unnecessarily evil fad, I do know a thing or few about calories. 2300 things to be precise. I complain ever so often about them and how they and I have an inseparable bond, particularly around the belly region, it’s a wonder how I don’t refer to them as family given the seemingly indeterminate period of time for which they appear to have moved within and into me.

Before I go any further, if it wasn’t obvious to some I use the word diet to refer to all forms of eating disorders which are self-inflicted and not required by a certified general practitioner of the science of medicine. Diabetics following a regime is very different from a teenager not eating cake two weeks before prom night. My reference is to the latter.

To not believe in dieting and yet believe in calories seems quite the paradox, like an atheist who screams ‘Oh my God’ during climax. But that is not so. Calorie intake is an equation of sustenance whereas dieting is trying to merely cut or curb the calorie intake for a fixed period. You think that’s confusing? Imagine how inexplicable then, when you are told that some atheists scream “Jesus” as well!

I have consulted many a chart and purely because I happened to be in the vicinity of them. Here is my short two its worth. This done, I resolve never to bring such insulting topics up again. The number of calories required by a person between two sunrises is not a fixed entity. It changes with the amount of daily exertion and varies with the amount of general physical activity that a person puts in. It doesn’t however change as regularly as everyday. Think of it like a holistic long-term approach to healthy existence as, much like turning a 16-wheeler truck, the change becomes apparent long after the initial action was implemented.

But I am not here to expend on how many calories one is allowed. There are sites, scales, and calculators aplenty online to help you figure just how much you can let yourself go. Suffice to say that the physically active will generally be allowed higher and generous intake figures than someone older, or with a more sedentary job profile, or a particular digestive problem. That is not my gripe. My issue is, how is one supposed to measure these out in a daily meal? How does one ensure that the chicken just ordered and relished till plate-polished falls within the daily dietary requirements? How is it possible to ever know just how many calories are being indulged in per meal, in-between meals, and around these in-betweens? The situation gets worse when we go to a restaurant. First comes the wine list and then, as if in retrospect, the food menu is presented. If this isn’t already a tad futile already, the chef deems it his moral duty to send out platefuls of food without as much as once thinking of what degree of richness his dish had to attain all in an effort to be judged tasty. It is the job of the chef to not merely cook food. He is in the business of hospitality. Guests coming are there to be fed so he should, logically, make sure they go back well-fed, nourished and happy, and not just over-stuffed and bloated.

But sadly, portion control is a non-existent task on job description of most companies hiring chefs for their establishments. Unlike a good chef – who can draw down a methodical numeric for calories per meal – a cook merely throws something around in butter till it is tasty.

I have heard of outlets sharing about guests complaining of small portions. This, if anything, further exemplifies the need to portion control. If a chef were to construct a menu properly – and provided that all dishes are cooked appreciably well – there is no reason then for a guest to either complain or leave food on the plate. We all have but one life to ruin. There is nothing wrong with a little girth, some gravitas to hold down the situation, literally! But then vanity is such a party pooper; turning up at every instance you happen pass a mirror and your own form stares back at your accusingly, as if holding you responsible for its own deformed rotundness.

Watching calories, unlike dieting, is a more passive yet constant way to health. You don’t have to keep calculated account; just know when to say know. Even better than when a chef ensures that you never have to.

And only under two circumstances may you then allow yourselves to indulge sans guilt and regards to any such: when there happens to be champagne alongside and when nobody’s looking!